The Life and Times of Cool Dudes

During my 23 years of existence, I have come across several fellows who try to get attention by claiming to be ‘cool dudes’. Cool dudes (or “Kewl” Dudes) stand out from a crowd mostly because others don’t think they are cool.

Cool dudes are always found in crowds and can easily be identified by their uncanny ability to either push the limits of self control in other people or help them build the psychological stone wall.

Distinct Cool dude characteristics are as follows….

The Atheist

Ever come across a person in their early twenties claiming to be an atheist? If you have, you have just spotted a cool dude. These Cool Dudes are not atheists because they have made an in-depth research on the field of atheism but rather fancy themselves to be atheists because their life sucks in abysmal levels and they throw the blame on God. They just hate God for having given them their mundane life and very similar to kinder garden kids, they just ‘stop talking’ to God.

In a crowd, they incessantly stress the point that they are atheists until someone notices them. And once someone does acknowledge them and question them about their belief, it triggers coherent lines of complete BS. At the end of their Five minutes of recognition, they have made a complete fool of themselves, but inside them they feel a natural high for having talked to someone. And this high is indirectly proportional to the next gathering (i.e. as they foresee another crowd, the high keeps diminishing, until they claim to be atheists to another ‘listener’ in the other crowd).

The Movie Guy

And then there is this Cool Dude who claims to have seen ALL the movies ever released by man kind. Movies are an integral part of conversations. Cool dudes take a complete advantage of this. Whenever someone in the crowd talks about a movie, the Cool Dude raises to the occasion and starts critiquing the movie. 99% of the time, the Cool dude hasn’t even heard of the movie or has just seen the trailer.

People who have genuinely seen the movie get highly irritated, but like a stubborn donkey, Cool dudes just prevent them from talking. Again, like I said previously, when the crowd has dispersed, the Cool Dude feels high for having ‘won’ an intellectual argument without even having seen the movie. But again, the crowd doesn’t feel the same way.

The Singer

During a quiet bus journey or during a relatively silent atmosphere when the mind is numb and relaxed, cacophonous sounds resembling some old Hindi or Tamizh song at a borderline decibel level( which doesn’t qualify as a whisper, but merely passes as a normal hearing volume) wafts through the ear disturbing the peace and serenity of the atmosphere. You turn around and see a person sitting in a supposedly cool pose humming a song with his/her eyes half closed. You have just witnessed a Cool Dude. This is a very sticky situation, ‘cos this Cool Dude doesn’t exactly know you, but WANTS to know you. His/her conversational skills are near zero, but he/she thinks highly of his/her singling abilities. What he/she doesn’t realize is that this is the 21^st century real world and not some 1980s movie.

We just have to bear the singing for we are too polite and once we are certainly sure that the cool dude has stopped singing, we just comment on the singing thus posting a huge smile on the face (of cool dude) who is incredibly happy for having grabbed your attention.

The Rajnikanth

I have witnessed just one of these kinds, but I am pretty sure that there are loads roaming hungrily in the land of attention grabbing. I am talking about the one who thinks he is Rajnikanth. They are highly irritating, ‘cos they think they are ‘naturally’ stylish but blatantly copy Rajnikanth. They talk like him, walk like him and laugh like him (I hope ardent Rajnikanth fans get this analogy :P ). They smoke right at your face and try very hard to come up with witty one liners. At the end of the conversation they leave you with a big headache partly due to the Carbon Monoxide and partly due to the their very personality.

The Maverick

There are these Cool dudes who follow reverse psychology. When the crowd paints them with attention, they remain aloof and refuse to participate. They want to play the role of the maverick who feels these crowd activities in the bigger picture are worthless and insignificant. Inside them they are craving for someone in the crowd to continue their persistence and make them participate. Surprisingly, some might actually make the Cool Dude participate. Internally the beast controlling the Cool Dude becomes euphoric, but Cool dude HAVE to maintain his maverick status, so he remains aloof.

After the crowd disperses, this Cool Dude actually feels a bit stupid for not having made use of all that ample attention. But what to do…. Cuch is Cool Dude.

On the whole Cool Dudes are very pathetic creatures and prey on attention. Philanthropists out there usually pity these creatures and feed them with ample attention. But be aware that Cool Dudes don’t want friends, so don’t expect anything in return.

WARNING: Please do not confuse Baais and Cool Dudes! Baais know that they are acting like Cool Dudes and keep their Cool Dude activities among their own circle. Real Cool Dudes are usually loners and have no idea that they are being Cool Dudes. They unleash their Cool Dude-ness only when they are among a crowd that barely respects them.