A girl, a sorry, a threat and a metrosexual

I received my first real threat over a girl recently. We will come back to the core matter later, but what I did realize was I was ‘sightable’ material. This was confirmed by an ABCD girl living in my building who apparently nurtured a soft corner for me! Naturally after hearing that piece of news, I was a flattered. Smitten by this, my head got swollen to incredible levels and I was floating around, with my swollen head aiding my locomotion. But like the old saying, all good things must come to an end, my new locomotion aid was popped rather abruptly by the same female who saw my photos (online) and stated that I was nothing like how I looked in real life and I was branded ‘non-sightable’. With a smaller head and a broken ego, I called upon the greatest philosopher of modern times (Me) to unscramble this rather dark mystery.

Many people I know have often stated that they don’t have a photogenic face. People, otherwise quite lookable have refused to stand in front of the lens, claiming a non-photogenic face. So, what does the camera do to them? The obvious conclusion is that the camera has its own evil brain and makes sure that certain people it hates appear appallingly ugly in print. Cases of broken cameras caused by the non-photogenic segment of the society who had wanted to flush out the evil brain by inflicting physical pain to the camera have been reported recently. But what they don’t realize is that cameras can communicate with other cameras in a language unknown to man. (This is why non-photogenic people look ugly in all pictures!). Resorting to physical torture obviously won’t work. So, start showering love to your camera and start taking pictures without you in the picture. Some day, some time, the camera might start liking you.

Coming back to the threat issue. A friend of mine threatened me not to see or talk to this ABCD female ever again, because he was trying his luck on her. A little background about this ‘friend’. He is about seven years elder to me, which almost qualifies for a generation gap. He has a concentrated version of Gujju blood flowing through his veins and the twist to all this is, is that he thinks he is American. He is convinced that he is part of the executive class Caucasian American and is also pretty sure he has a debonair American accent. (But only those who have listened to him talk know that he sounds like Apu Nahasapeemapetilon (from the Simpsons) mixed with Vijayakanth’s English accent). The ‘S’s are pronounced with a ‘Sh’ and the ‘R’s are pronounced with a ‘Zh’. For e.g, Seize is pronounced as “Sheesh” and America is pronounced as “AmerZhikka”. Books on American lifestyle are mugged up religiously, prompting him to behave like he is Metrosexual, which in reality looks very homosexual. The adjectives ‘cute’ and ‘sweet’ are used in almost every sentence and the movie Titanic is very violent. That’s pretty much him in a nut shell and with these characteristics it pretty obvious that he stands no chance against the ‘cute’ ABCD girl.

Ah! We are back to the ABCD female. Honestly speaking she doesn’t encompass the definition of the female sector of ABCDs. A true ABCD female (or ABCDFe) is breathtakingly beautiful. But this particular ABCDFe is good looking but doesn’t make the air thin. Anyway… the first time I met her was in the lobby when she accidentally tripped over me (Waves were crashing normally, birds were still flying and milk when over heated still spilt out. Nothing ever stopped) and said sorry.

Sorry… This made me take a resolution to never name anyone “Sorry”. Imagine a person called Sorry. He would have to introduce himself as “Hi, I am Sorry”, making others wonder what went wrong. Or when as a kid he has collect an award, the teacher responsible for making sure that the right student is sent to the stage to receive the award asks him if he is Sorry. Sorry obviously gets confused as to whether he has to answer “Yes, I am Sorry” or “No, I am not sorry to receive this award”. Leading psychiatrists claim that such situations cause serious mental trauma to people named Sorry. One such patient, a failed Cut-out maker, when questioned was quoted saying “My mom named me Very Sorry and I have been Sorry from that very day. My career came crashing down when a customer asked me to make a cut-out of myself as a sample and I had to cut a Sorry figure”. Top actor and politician Vijayakanth hurt the sentiments of several people named Sorry when in one of his movies he claimed that Sorry (or feeling Sorry) was one word he didn’t like in any language, erupting a nation wide protest against the movie.

As a humble request, don’t name your child Sorry or you will be sorry for the rest of your life.

Anyway, back to the ABCDFe, the threat and the metrosexual. Only time will tell.